The Beginning of my Journey into Silence

My recent experience in meditation at a Zen do brought back memories of how I first learned to meditate.  It was when I was in my senior year of college, during the 70’s when meditation was proclaimed by rock stars in words and music.

There was a six week class in meditation techniques sponsored by the Hendricks Chapel.  Each week Kendra Smith, the wife of Huston Smith, introduced a form of meditation and led us in practicing it.  I remember a few of the different methods, including counting our breath, focusing on a candle flame, and walking meditation.  We were urged to continue to practice each one the following week.  Then we would talk about what we were experiencing.

The first time we were invited to focus on our breathing while clearing our minds of thoughts and finding the space between those thoughts.  I remember being surprised and amazed at how fast and furious my thoughts kept coming.  I thought of various things I needed to do.  I had memories of conversations or events earlier in the day or worries about upcoming tests.  There were many things claiming my attention once I stopped to listen. 

As others also reported the flood of thoughts rushing up, Kendra reassured us, saying that it was quite common for people who were just starting to meditate.  She recommended we begin by meditating for only short periods, five or ten minutes, until we had practiced for a while. 

That was my first time to learn a new meaning for “practice.”  I had practiced my trumpet through junior high and high school.  It required working on different skills and showing those skills in the lessons I would attend every few weeks. There were goals to be accomplished.  However, practicing meditation is about letting go of accomplishing something.  The point is to be sure you are doing it regularly, hopefully daily.  The only goal is to become comfortable enough to meditate for longer periods of time, or to meditate when it seems impossible because of anxiety or stress or chaotic feelings.

Over the years, I have tried different forms of meditation or similar practices such as centering prayer or using the Jesus Prayer or the walking meditation of a labyrinth.  Each has its place in my ongoing spiritual deepening and growth.  But it all began in that short class.

I have thought about Kendra many times since hearing that Huston Smith died a year and a half ago.  While I suspect she has no memory of teaching the class or me, I hope she knows that she played an important role in many of our lives.  It was the beginning my experimenting and exploring the value of meditation in my life.