Compassion Reconsidered

Over the last three years, Spiritual Director's International has focused on compassion during its annual conference.  Initially, I was worried about how much could be said about compassion for that period of time.  There was a related concern about what would be discussed, since compassion is often used a synonym for "sympathy" or even worse "pity."  Both of those terms can imply an inequality among the people involved.  The one who feels pity for another can have a sense of superiority, of being better than the person who is the object of that pity.

One of the books recommended by Joyce Rupp, the SDI Keynote Presenter last April, was Compassion: Listening to the Cries of the World by Christina Feldman.  Starting in April it has been my daily companion, usually read in short takes while eating breakfast or before turning out the light at night.  Joyce and Christina have been challenging guides through the last months, transforming my disdain for the word "compassion" into an ever deepening appreciation.

Feldman places compassion within the constant dynamic of pain and suffering, noting "When you are willing to turn directly toward pain, receive it, and embrace it with tenderness, you have begun to embody compassion." (p. 23) Whether it is the cries of the world, personal life situations, or concern for those who do not deserve what happens to them or for those who cause suffering, there is always the difficult choice of facing into that pain or suffering.  All of my being wants to run away, to avoid the situation, so turning toward the pain is counter-intuitive.

Later Feldman notes that "attachment is the near enemy of compassion. . . . It is your desire to control all things, including pain, that undermines compassion. . . that impermanence should never touch you." (p. 108)  This message, repeated and deepened throughout the book, has been critical in this time of transition.  Attachments to a particular job, a narrow professional definition, a set of habits formed over a decade, and a desire for security have tied me down.  Attachments that are tightly glued on cannot be released easily or quickly.  Even if they are finally removed, they will leave a scar, a mark of their role in life.

 There is still so much to learn. Feldman reminds her readers that "We are always beginners in the art of compassion. . . . life is sure to present us with some new experience or encounter with pain we feel unprepared for." (p. 13)  I pray for the courage to be able to continue learn about and practice compassion.

Being Compassionate about Compassion

Before attending the recent Spiritual Directors International conference with its theme of “Cultivating Compassion,” I was anxious about how the conversation would go. I have had a fairly negative attitude toward the word “compassion,” based in part upon one person telling me how she “felt compassion for me” while reeking of paternalism and projection.

One dictionary definition of compassion is “sympathetic concern for the suffering of another, together with the inclination to give aid or to show mercy.” That definition well describes my concerns. “Sympathy” often connotes a superiority to the one offering the sympathy. Even when sympathy is offered without that connotation, it still leans toward the passive, such as the “inclination to give aid” rather than a more active response. The word “mercy” carries a judicial tone since it is often used in the context of courts of law.

So, with the dictionary confirming my nervousness, I noticed that the conference brochure had most of the workshops labeled with “compassion.” I carefully registered for those sessions that didn’t use the term. But there was no avoiding the plenary sessions.

Fortunately, Janet Ruffing was the main speaker at the plenary sessions, and she is one of the most articulate and well-grounded experts in spiritual direction in the U.S. Soon after she began speaking, I could feel myself relax. She quickly banished my fears that she would offer vague platitudes about compassion. She began by examining the “radical convergence” of the significant role of compassion among the Jewish, Christian and Buddhist faiths. As Ruffing delved into each one, she deeply explored the ways the word is used, considering nuances of languages, and using stories and illustrations from each tradition.

Selecting a few of my notes, Ruffing reflected upon the perspective of God, acting compassionately to the cries of God’s people by bringing them out of exile in Egypt. The people of God responded by betraying the trust God had put in them, building their own god in the form of the golden calf. Ruffing marveled at the “divine compassion that survives the anguish of betrayal, returning again and again to a relationship of love” with the chosen people. This is a courageous compassion, that is not shallow or passive, but moving through pain with deep commitment and forgiveness.

Later, she described how Christians picked up the Jewish experience of compassion, noting that “God’s compassion is unconditional and inclusive,” and “compels us to action.” My notes continue further to say that God cultivates compassion in us, with “God as the source, flowing into us, which we offer to the world.” The sense of the movement, an animating presence from God, leading us into the world is, once again, a very active and engaged perspective on compassion that as new for me. Finally, “compassion grows in us as we grow in God.”

This was brought home quite dramatically this last week when one of my directees was talking about life and what is going on. She described how she has become aware of the fact that she could not come up with compassion out of herself; it was not something that she could create in any way. She was becoming aware that any sense of compassion was coming to her from God, and in her awareness of God’s compassion for her, she was then able to be compassionate for others. I almost jumped out of my chair shouting “Yes!” Fortunately I was able to restrain myself, but I did tell her how she had echoed what Janet Ruffing had described at the SDI conference. It was a deep learning for both of us.

So, I am able to be much more compassionate about compassion, but I am not sure about two more years of conferences with the repeated theme of “cultivating compassion.”