Living Openly and Honestly

A recent interview of Bishop V. Gene Robinson in the Church Times, a British newspaper, reminded me of the challenge that gay and lesbian clergy experience in trying to live openly and honestly. In the interview, the Bishop notes:

The degree of openness with which one lives one’s life is a very personal choice. I don’t think there’s any right or wrong about that. The question for any gay or lesbian person is: “Is the price that I’m paying for being quiet exceeding the benefit?

Bishop Robinson is pointing to an unstated contract from the church and society to clergy people who hide their differences in sexual orientation. Society and the church hierarchy will leave gay and lesbian persons alone if those persons do nothing to upset the status quo or to raise suspicions. It is very similar to the military policy of “Don’t ask and don’t tell.” It is a very attractive option that makes the personal price seem reasonable, while also carrying a threat for those who violate the contract.

It is difficult for clergy to hide their personal lives because they are in such public roles. Everything they say or do is watched. One of the common dilemmas of an apparently single clergyperson is the well meaning church member acting as a matchmaker. If the person is not heterosexual and is hiding that, dealing with the situation requires constant energy and self-monitoring.

Twenty five years ago my ordained gay and lesbian friends paid a tremendous price for being ordained. They chose hiding that significant part of their sexuality so they could be ordained. The price was in their being dishonest, telling lies, and hiding any relationships. The emotional strain on my friends was clear. A relationship with a significant partner was almost impossible, requiring clandestine behavior which led to a feeling of shame by one or both persons. The alternatives of forced celibacy or promiscuous sex were equally shame producing and destructive to any sense of integrity. However, those persons felt the price was necessary to respond to their call from God.

Fortunately in the United States the price for being openly gay or lesbian has dropped considerably in the last 25 years. As more and more people tell their friends, family, co-workers and churches about themselves, the specter of prejudice and strangeness disappears. As people are seen for who they are, the ignorance and old assumptions are replaced by real, living, ordinary human beings. It has been happening one person at a time, and will continue to happen as long as open and honest conversations can be held.

For all of the progress that has occurred, there are still many dangers in living openly and honestly. It is seen in the death threats that Bishop Robinson receives, that require him to wear a bullet-proof vest and hire security guards in certain public settings. It is seen in need of gay and lesbian clergy to have a private meeting with the Archbishop of Canterbury. It is seen in pressure put upon an openly gay clergyman to withdraw from becoming a bishop in the Church of England.

The personal dangers also became visible to many in the Episcopal Church who were shocked by the vicious and violent statements and actions in response to consecration of Bishop Robinson. We had deluded ourselves about how much progress has been made. We had forgotten how an open and honest persons threatens society that demands secrecy and lies to protect the status quo.

In his book In the Eye of the Storm Gene Robinson describes making the decision to stop hiding and lying to himself, his family, his friends and the church. He expected to pay the price by losing his ability to be a priest, but found welcome and acceptance. Instead of rejection, his call was affirmed and his ministry grew even to the point of being elected to the episcopacy.

I am proud of how Bishop Robinson is able to stand openly and honestly as a person of faith who knows God is with him. I realize he will make mistakes and will do things that will disappoint me. I pray that he might feel the support of so many who are deeply moved by who he is and who he is becoming. I hope my prayer, joined with many others around the world, will keep him safe from the dangers he faces from within and without. May God continue to be present with him, for him and in him in the weeks, months and years of struggle still ahead.