Following the advice of a friend, I negotiated for outplacement services. Their webinars provided a structure for staying unstuck, by focusing on resume writing, using social media for job hunting, developing a personal marketing plan, and networking. Like any good management consultant, they offer a proven plan with high success rates for those who follow the directions and do the work. For two weeks I took the webinars, wrote up the documents as requested, organized a plan, and even sent out a resume.
Three days after sending that resume, I realized I had no interest in the position because something has changed over the last few years. Me. I had been working at making my job meaningful while knowing it no longer was. The organizational values had changed from what had originally attracted me and held me there. Fighting for services no longer considered important by the leaders left me tired and empty.
However, thinking about a new career direction doesn't go on vacation. Telling the story over and over to family and friends led to new understandings. Sifting and sorting options continues in the back of my mind and while dreaming at night, . Ideas are considered and fantasies explored. Conversations with people shape future considerations. The movement continues even while sitting in silence.
For years I have been struggling to integrate a sense of ministry with a secular career. Ministry had been focused on treating people respectfully while making myself available, as a manager, supervisor, and co-worker. But that was never enough. Avocational activities like providing spiritual direction, teaching Christian education classes, and singing in choirs also left a feeling of incompleteness. Maybe this is a time to seek to be in a more direct form of ministry? Alternatively, that could be an illusion, with no possibility of ever satisfying this deep sense of spiritual hunger?
What is God asking me to consider? Will I need let go of more than what has already been taken away?
